Welcome

Welcome to the first Singles newsletter of the year, which I hope you will enjoy and find informative.  This is intended to be used as a vehicle to bring together different features that will interest, uplift and inspire singles in their journey; such as: updates about forthcoming events; report about past events; and, any other information that might be useful.  Also, it will be used as a forum to share testimonies for those who have ‘crossed over’. 

I invite you to send any comments and suggestions you might have for future newsletters.  If you would like to see a particular article or topic raised and discussed, the Singles Ministry may be able to incorporate this into a future event.   

If you would like to join the mailing list to receive any future updates, please send your email and comments to events@kicc.org.uk, so that we can make sure that you will be informed of forthcoming meetings and events.

Don’t Date Devils by Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo

This book outlines the different types of toxic relationships that all singles should avoid and applies to both sexes.  Pastor Matthew identifies 15 toxic relationships and each chapter describes the characteristics of the toxic man or woman, but can apply to both in each situation.  Its message is a warning, as the affects of such relationships can leave a person feeling emotionally drained and    damaged.  Here are some extracts from Pastor Matthew’s book ...

The Commitment Phobic— “If you fall in love with a commitment phobic, he dates you perpetually without bringing any closure to dating or to the point where it becomes a proper courtship.  You eat out several times and talk about several things without him bringing closure to dating.”

The Volcano— “They are fault finders, always finding fault with whatever their spouses and everyone around them have done.  They want perfection while they are not themselves perfect.”

The Stone Cold— “ ... Do not know how to respond after you have initiated actions of love.  They are always sober faced and wouldn’t know precisely what to do were you to be in an emotional state that requires comfort.”

The Bimbo— “... Is not likely to encourage you with a new book, tape, scripture or seminar which has blessed, lifted or developed her and she is not likely to encourage you to pursue the same. ... Is more likely to only encourage you to listen to ‘Come and get me—Rub me down’ kind of music rather than self-development tapes.”

The Very Draining Person— “In a relationship .... You carry the weight of the emotional demands of such a relationship.  At some point, the statements, the actions and the controlling words ... Will make you go along even when it is becoming too much.”

The User— “... Want you to validate them, to talk about how good they are, how great, how loving but they do not remember to give you the same feedback ... You are the one who is  always planning for your relationship while he or she has no such plan”.

To purchase this book by Pastor Matthew or others, like those on the back page,
go to KICC Bookstore or www.pastormatthew.tv

Singles Fun Day Out 2009

Arrival at Annan Court  - As we got off the coach, we gathered in the hall to say a short word of prayer before we started our fun with indoor and outdoor games, which included: football, basket ball, tennis and, indoor games of Ludo, Jenga, as well as others.

Barbecue Lunch - Lunch was ready by 1pm.  We had a feast of a barbie, in the sunny courtyard.  There was roast chicken, Cumberland sausages with the crunchiest juicy salad and several relishes in a burger with bap. There was plenty to go around and seconds for those that wanted it.

Heart-to-Heart Session with Pastor Ade and Pastor Dipo - We all gathered back into the hall and Pastor Ade asked the men to go into the upper room with Pastor Dipo for a personal chat. Pastor Ade had a group chat with the ladies. The same questions that Pastor Dipo had asked were put to the women and he stated that he had a heartfelt discussion with the men. But even though there did not seem to be enough time, the men had benefited from the short chat. All-in-all, both groups found the discussion insightful and it was good to have the opportunity for both men and women to have a free-flowing forum for chat about intimate issues without the pressure of the men/women being in the same room.

The Switchover –Following on from the first discussion, there was a swap over where Pastor Dipo chatted with the ladies beginning the session saying, “I understand women very well”.  Everyone relaxed and laughed.  Pastor Ade chatted with the men.  Both groups expanded on the discussion that they had started in the earlier group. 

The Combined/Interactive Panel Session - On the panel were Pastor Ade and Pastor Dipo.  In this session, the Singles Committee team presented scenarios to the panel, in order to invite a response and discussion, in a Q&A format.

Singles Olympics  - We divided the Singles into five groups, using different coloured bands.  They participated in a number of relay races, which included: the 3-legged race, sack race, egg and spoon race and, finally ... the tug-of-war.

The Singles showed great camaraderie and worked well together even though the teams were not chosen but were a pick-and-mix of people put together.  Everyone encouraged each other and they were very competitive as well as supportive.
Dinner  - After a very active day, dinner was ready by 5.30pm.  We were served a roast beef dinner with various deserts (chocolate fudge, apple pie and cheesecake).  The Singles sat down to have a chat with other singles over dinner.  We were all stuffed with food and ready to go home.

Closing Session  - We had a closing session with all singles saying what they had enjoyed the most during the day.  Some gave thanks to the Pastors and organisers and said what their favourite session was.  We had a closing prayer and we headed for the coach with ice cream for the journey home.

Final Word ... Fun Day Feedback - The Singles day out was a truly fun event from start to finish.  The feedback from everyone was positive, with the majority saying how they would like come next year.  Here are some of the comments from other singles who were at the event ...

“I came with an open mind and really enjoyed myself, would call it a well spent day”

“I came on my own and was apprehensive. I had a brilliant time and made new friends. 
The activities were brilliant and the one-to-one got me thinking
- keep up the good work”

“I do not fellowship at KICC but felt welcome, had fun and made new friends. Thank you”

“Thankful to God for the insightful heart-to-heart, it answered a lot of questions and settles wondering minds”

“It was a good time I didn’t think it would be fun but it turned out wonderful,
I made lots of friends”

Pastor Yemisi’s Singles Chat

In your experience of counselling single Christians, what has been the most common issue that has come to you?  And what is your advice regarding this issue?

The most common question is “how do I know the will of God?” It is important to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Pray for the will of God. Develop your relationship with God. Use the time to mature as a single and become whole.  Also, it is important to seek counsel from the Church. When the will of God comes, I believe you will experience God’s peace.

For the older single who has been waiting for their marriage partner for some time, what would your advice be to them who are still waiting for “The One”?

Focus on serving God.  Also, think about how you can prepare yourself for marriage.  Start to prepare yourself for the will of God because the waiting time is preparation time. There will be times of pressure but trust God and keep encouraging yourself in the Lord.  Enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going. 

Do you agree that there is a ‘Mr or Ms Right’?  Do you think that the goalposts have moved from when you were single?

The media has played a large part in shaping the singles secular ideal of a marriage
partner.  This has added to the pressures felt by many singles.  There is a stronger focus on image and external appearances.  This can cause unrealistic expectations which can delay or even prevent meeting the right person.  The most important thing is for the person to love God and have a vision, then other things will follow.

For the younger single, marriage might not be something that they desire in the near future but rather something that they would think about after completing their studies, etc.  What would your advice be to this group of singles, particularly in how to conduct themselves in relationships with the opposite sex?

Keep yourself busy for the Lord and get involved with your local church. Look for a mentor, someone you can talk openly and honestly to.  Have a focus and have a purpose driven life.  Be mindful of how you conduct yourself with the opposite sex. Act wisely regardless of where you are or who you are with, whether with Christians or non-Christian friends. Lastly, maintain your sexual purity in the face of temptation and be careful not to allow yourself to enter into compromising situations. In other words, set boundaries.  You should carry yourself with dignity and not allow peer pressure. Also, surround yourself with a group of positive friends.

What do you think of social networks and dating websites? Do you think that they can be used as a vehicle for
connecting people to their future spouse?

The Church is not prescriptive about internet dating. However, we know it happens. It is not something I subscribe to and I would highly suggest they speak to the Pastor of Counselling.

There are singles who have come out of long term relationships or were previously married with children. 
How do you think their approach to marriage should differ?  And, what advice would you give to help them to
overcome the hurt of the past?

The fact that your previous relationship failed does not mean you have failed.  Allow God to heal you of the hurt of the past.  Learn from the mistakes made and do not give up on marriage. Your Boaz or Ruth is on the way.

Forthcoming Events ...

Singles Challenge— 7th & 8th of August, 2010

Singles Fun Day Out— 18th of September 2010